I went to the movie today with Charity, Miranda, Tony and Jesse. You must be saying we are crazy that we took an eight month-old to the movie, but we did. Charity ended up with him as she had seen the movie before.
The think I enjoyed most about the movie was watching Tony's reaction. He had his three-D glasses on upside down and sat forward on his seat taking everything in. He enjoyed the previews, and he enjoyed the movie, he enjoyed the popcorn and drink. He went out once when I refilled the popcorn, and he rushed to the bathroom at the end of the movie.
On the way home he indicated he had his own "Woody and Buzz" and he found them to play with them as soon as we got home. So for him, this movie was a good fit.
I enjoyed it as well. I was confused about Buzz and Jenny having a thing. I really enjoyed the Spanish Buzz, and the change in personality the different language created for him. Spanish is the language of love. I also liked the three space creatures and their relation with "the claw." It was fun that this was used in their rescue, because it seemed like they had given up home. I must admit, I thought it was getting a bit scary, especially for Tony.
Kan and Barbie were fun. Barbie saw right through that Ken, and it is good he did some quick repenting of his ways. I am sure his change was heart felt. And the daycare is a better place without that strawberry smelling bear. (If I were political I would compare him to Obama, but since I'm not, I won't.)
Sheri cried at the end, with Andy playing with the little girl and the toys one last time.
Tony was excited to play the games after. We got out before everyone, after going to the bathroom, and Tony sat at a car game and played with the steering wheel. I dread the day when he realizes that you're suppose to put money in the thing.
Friday, July 2, 2010
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Discussion on Adoption: Part Two
I am back for another try at this theme as I slowly make my way through the book "Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adopted Parents Knew" by Sherrie Eldridge. The two chapters I read present the first two things: 1. "I suffered a profound loss before I was adopted. It is not your fault." 2. "I need to be taught that I have special needs rising our of adoption loss, of which I need not be ashamed."
I agree with the author, adopted children suffer a loss, no matter how young they are. However I really had a hard time getting my head around the second chapter. Dwelling on the loss, and the "special needs" at first seems like picking a scab over and over. It really does nothing to heal, but just keeps festering the wound. I do like that the author admits that all children are different, and have their own needs, "...Each adoptee is unique. Study your child, enter into play with her, observe her interacting with others. All these activities will enable you to compile a list of your particular child's special needs."
As our Tony has temper tantrums, or behavior that is more active than we would like, I wonder how much of that is due to his loss experiences, how much is due to interaction with other foster children who weren't always well behaved, how much is being three-years-old, how much is being tired etc. There is no exact science with people.
In dealing with Tony, I like the advice of Lloyd Newell, narrator for the Tabernacle Choir who is quoting a medical doctor, "The key to our survival is love. When we love someone, and feel loved by them, somehow along the way our suffering subsides. Our deepest wounds begin healing. Our hearts start to feel safe enough to be vulnerable, and open a little wider. We begin experiencing our own emotions and the feelings of those around us."
Maybe I am naive in thinking we can love our ways through anything, but I focus every day on making sure Tony knows that I love him. I try to validate him. I let him know I love him because he is different than the rest of the family. I love his curly hair, that he is tall and skinny, that his skin is darker, that he has a sharp chin. I also support him in the things he likes to do. He loves Spider Man. He likes different movies and T.V. shows than I do. But I watch "Dinosaur Tales" and enjoy his movies.
I revel in the Miracle of Tony and how he came to us, even though it wasn't by traditional means. His birth was a miracle and I am thankful to his birth mother for this. His adoption was also a miracle. I let Tony know how much of a miracle he is, as I have done with my birth children.
I just want to also approach things with caution. I go by the axiom, Don't make things worse." I feel if we dwell too much on something, we may give the depression someone is defective or less than someone else. I do not want to do this. A solid foundation of love can heal many wounds, and that is what Sheri and I hope to create, is a loving and accepting environment.
http://billywardlefamily.blogspot.com/2010/06/adoption-theories.html
I agree with the author, adopted children suffer a loss, no matter how young they are. However I really had a hard time getting my head around the second chapter. Dwelling on the loss, and the "special needs" at first seems like picking a scab over and over. It really does nothing to heal, but just keeps festering the wound. I do like that the author admits that all children are different, and have their own needs, "...Each adoptee is unique. Study your child, enter into play with her, observe her interacting with others. All these activities will enable you to compile a list of your particular child's special needs."
As our Tony has temper tantrums, or behavior that is more active than we would like, I wonder how much of that is due to his loss experiences, how much is due to interaction with other foster children who weren't always well behaved, how much is being three-years-old, how much is being tired etc. There is no exact science with people.
In dealing with Tony, I like the advice of Lloyd Newell, narrator for the Tabernacle Choir who is quoting a medical doctor, "The key to our survival is love. When we love someone, and feel loved by them, somehow along the way our suffering subsides. Our deepest wounds begin healing. Our hearts start to feel safe enough to be vulnerable, and open a little wider. We begin experiencing our own emotions and the feelings of those around us."
Maybe I am naive in thinking we can love our ways through anything, but I focus every day on making sure Tony knows that I love him. I try to validate him. I let him know I love him because he is different than the rest of the family. I love his curly hair, that he is tall and skinny, that his skin is darker, that he has a sharp chin. I also support him in the things he likes to do. He loves Spider Man. He likes different movies and T.V. shows than I do. But I watch "Dinosaur Tales" and enjoy his movies.
I revel in the Miracle of Tony and how he came to us, even though it wasn't by traditional means. His birth was a miracle and I am thankful to his birth mother for this. His adoption was also a miracle. I let Tony know how much of a miracle he is, as I have done with my birth children.
I just want to also approach things with caution. I go by the axiom, Don't make things worse." I feel if we dwell too much on something, we may give the depression someone is defective or less than someone else. I do not want to do this. A solid foundation of love can heal many wounds, and that is what Sheri and I hope to create, is a loving and accepting environment.
http://billywardlefamily.blogspot.com/2010/06/adoption-theories.html
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